the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
