I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
