i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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