I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
