I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
