A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
