Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
