i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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