i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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