we have pet lesbian snakes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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