Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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