Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
