no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize