Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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