I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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