we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
