get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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