I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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