i would punch a child for taco bell
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
