first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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