Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
