Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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