apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
