dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
