I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize