i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
