$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
