Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize