I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
