glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
