If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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