apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
