you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
