Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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