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When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
