before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
