shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
