God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
