Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
