I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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