plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
