So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
