Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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