you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
