mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
