I wish I could teleport
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
