I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
