I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
