I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
