Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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