Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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