On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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