Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
