i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
