When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize