I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
