I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
