i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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