So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
