They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
