I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Randomize
