Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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