At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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