Screwed.edu
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
